I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
