I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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