my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Shame is for Republicans.
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