a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
