worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
