fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
