Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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