What a fucking waste of an outfit
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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