It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
