im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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