used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
