apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
