There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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