No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
