the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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