Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Randomize
