My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize