I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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