party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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