Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
