I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
