the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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