So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
