it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
