even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
