I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
