I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
