and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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