Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
