I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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