I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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