I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
