You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
