can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
