The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
