i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
