ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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