just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
