So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
