I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
