Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
