Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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