Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
