Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
