If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
