I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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