My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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