In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize