I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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