Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize