Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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