I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
