what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize