I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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