Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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