My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
