After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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