did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
