I'm jealous of your bromance
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I touched a dick in church today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
