Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize