I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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