The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
