im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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