so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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