just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
