Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
