Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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