The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
