you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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