he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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