I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish you could order shots online.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
