I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
